DA SKEETZ INVAYDS DALITISH!

(note from editor- Da Skeetz, who informs us his whole name is “Da Skeetz Epstein”, is an enthusiastic, yet borderline illiterate reader who decided he wanted to write for Elitish.com.  While his spelling is not conventional, and can be quite difficult- the editors have found it is best to sound out the words phonetically and guess the meaning from there- and though he has a very different taste of music than the rest of our staff, we decided to give him some time to write for Elitish.  If you want to write for us as well, just email jeff.goodsmith@gmail.com, and we’ll see if you’ve got the stuff to write for us.  Like Da Skeetz.  You can check his myspace, which he call’s his…uh…net home…here… oh god, I already regret this decision)

Ey mangs!  Iz da skeetz- u proba hurd a me.  I no wut u finkin-  “oh shit!  IZ DA SKEETZ!  I HURDA DIS MOTHAFUKA!’  ya mang, iz faymus, u proba hurd a me.  Like, u no dat louie armstrong mang who walk on da moon da furst time?  Mang, he rote mah naym in da moon b4 i wuz evan born mang.  I no.

Ann laydies, I no wut u finkin’.  “MANG!  DA SKEETZ IZ DAYTIN DIS GURL IN DA PIKSHURE!

Naw mang, i no, but we iz broke up.  Wen da accident put her in da koma, i remembr dat time we wuz talkin bout how we no wanna do no long dissance relayshunship.  So da skeetz iz on da market, ann he b on da worl wiyd web now mang.  Ann u no da laydies wanna be ALL UP ONZ Da Skeetz, rite?

ed- Da Skeetz just sent us this picture, told us to post it as a caption, with a message saying “LOL RITE!?”  Now is a good time to say that Da Skeetz does not reflect the opinions or beliefs of Elitish.com

Ima tell u bout da moozik i like, mang.  Firssavall, I like dat hard stuff, u no, dat reel strong stuff, da stuff dat like, u b hittin dis grrl frum da bak, ann she all ‘oh da skeetz u so big’ ann iz all ‘naw mang iz like 5-10 mang, iz normal hite’ ann she all ‘naw i meen in dat sirtan area’ ann i realize, shit mang, dis be a spoakspersun for dat extenze ball growin shit!’

ed- Oh Jesus, we’re so sorry, readers

So Ima go over sum of mah fayvorite albumz frum dis pass yeer here, rite?

Creed- Full Circle

BGEST ALBUM A DA YEAR MANG!  HOLY SHIT!

I no wut u finkin- “da skeetz!  I luv creed!  Dey iz da best moozik in da wurld!  I new u wuz kool, but not DIS kool!”

Now now, settal down laydees, I no, Creed duz juss about evathing amayzing.  Dey sing bout jeezus, ann dat iz respekt.

ed- uh…we were told to post “DATZ MAH KINNA JEEZUS, CREED!” here, but… oh god-fucking-damn it

mang, allz i gotsta say bout dis creed, mang?  Dey…mang, dey cumplete me.  Like, if i had 1 album dat i hadda use to masserbate to mah whole ressa mah life?  Yeah mang, it’d be da new creed album.  BESS MOOZIK EVAH!

Truss me- evah1 like me, dey like Creed mang.  Ann pleeze email me if u no ne1 who iz sellin roofees.  THNX!